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The long-awaited week is upon us, ladies and gentlemen! That's right...the 85th Annual Dickson County Fair! When I moved back to my hometown, I determined to get involved in all things Dicksonian, so I'm delighted to be submitting some of my creations in the Home Economics competition this year. As I type this, my pound cake is baking in the oven while a pile of chocolate chip cookies sits wondering which of them will make it to the fair.
As a youngster I judged cattle and raised chickens for the fair, both for my local 4-H Club. By the time I got to Junior High, almost everyone had lost interest in 4-H in order to pursue their interests in cliques and bad pop music. My interest in the rural life waned and was nearly dead when my mom started raising goats a few years back. Gradually, I came to see the value of preserving things like the County Fair, Old Timers Day, The Grand Old Hatchery, and even the local rodeo. These things make up the cornerstone of the whole rural worldview. It's a dying way of life, but I am eager to see its revival.
I must admit, most of my fascination with rural life probably comes from incredibly cheesy old movies made by people who have never set foot outside of Los Angeles. I think you know exactly what I'm talking about. But just in case you don't, allow me to illustrate.
The scene opens on a young, doe-eyed girl (let's call her Jenny, shall we?) and her plump-but-pretty mother (who is most definitely a "Mable".) They are emerging from the barnyard toting newborn sheep. Why not? They sing a song about how awesome farm life is while cheerfully finishing at their chores, which include making cherry pie, sewing new aprons, and churning butter. Jenny's chipper older brother, enters (his name is Billy) and gives his sister a noogie, which ruins the careful arrangement of her blond curls. She chases him playfully with a homemade broom. In tromps their father, Ray-Bob, with a freshly shot rabbit and a copy of the local newspaper, which announces a call for entries for the County Fair. As the women dress the rabbit and the men pour lead into their bullet molds, they sing a song about the hopes and dreams of the county fair.
Our family is a clean-living, God-fearing bunch, and so of course at the next scene they are church, piously folding their hands in prayer and nodding approvingly at the pastor. Until, of course, the snooty McClunkett Family enters, the matriarch of which taunts Mable with the reminder that her chow-chow recipe wins every year while Mables never even places. Mable responds by accusing the McClunketts of fair-related espionage, bribery, and general white-trashedness. A well-choreographed fight breaks out, which results in the church collapsing around them while the desperate pastor sings a song about how we should love our neighbors.
The next scene opens as our hopeful family loads up the cream of their crop and heads to the fair. Jenny and Mable set up their entries in the Culinary Delights Building while Ray-Bob and Billy settle their prized sheep into his pen. The sheep falls in love with a sheep being exhibited by the competing McClunketts. Mayhem ensues, and somehow all the barnyard animals escape and head straight to the midway, commandeering fair rides, winning gigantic stuffed animals for each other and getting jacked up on cotton candy.
That evening, after things simmer down a bit, Billy sings a song to his shy sister about partaking in all the adventures the fair has to offer. A fair is a veritable smorgasbord, after all. Since Jenny's overprotective mother is preoccupied with concerns over the chow-chow competition, Jenny slips off and enjoys the fair. Conveniently enough, she is wearing her Sunday Best, along with a pink ribbon in her hair. While she is in the line for funnel cake, she meets a young man who offers to buy her an R.C. Cola. But his reputation precedes him...he's bent on leaving her beloved Dixie to become some city slicker! She flees in terror, forgetting her funnel cake. He pursues her onto the Ferris Wheel with funnel cake and R.C. Cola in tow. They stuff themselves full of goodies and then hurl off the top of the Ferris Wheel onto the unsuspecting merry-makers below. Just kidding...they gaze into each other’s eyes and sing a song about their feelings.
When Jenny returns to her parent's R.V. (R.V.?! I don't know...how do these people get to the fair?) she asks her mother if there is such a thing as love at first sight. Tears spring to Mable's eyes as she remembers her long-lost first love. This is all related to us through a strange ballet number that drags on for half an hour.
How does it all end? Does Mable win the chow-chow competition at last? Does Jenny end up with a wedding ring or a broken heart? And, of course, what becomes of our Romeo and Juliet sheep couple. Maybe you'll find out when you come to the 85th Annual Dickson County Fair!
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